Why Do I need to Look Into My Own Culture?

- One of the Secrets to Thriving Abroad

Knowing your own culture matters

When expats and their accompanying partners move abroad, our focus is often on learning about the new culture. We read up on customs, take language classes, and try to figure out how not to offend our new neighbours. But here’s something that many overlook: understanding our own culture is just as important as understanding the new one.

Wait, My Own Culture? Why Does That Matter?

Because culture is like the air we breathe—we don’t notice it until we step into a different atmosphere. When you move abroad, your “default settings” (how you communicate, what you expect in social situations, even what you define as “normal”) suddenly become visible—often through misunderstandings or frustration.

Dr. Milton Bennett, an expert in intercultural communication, explains this with the Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity (DMIS). The first step in becoming truly culturally competent is recognising that your own way of seeing the world is culturally shaped, not universal. The more self-aware we are, the easier it becomes to adapt and connect with others.

How Your Own Culture Shows Up in Everyday Life

1. Communication Styles: Are you direct and to the point (like many Danes, Germans and Dutch), or do you expect people to read between the lines (like the Japanese or British)? Many conflicts come from mismatched communication expectations. Research by Erin Meyer in The Culture Map shows that different cultures have vastly different ways of expressing agreement, giving feedback, and handling confrontation.

2. Social Expectations: Do you find it rude when people don’t make small talk? Or maybe you’re surprised by how friendly (or distant) strangers seem? These expectations are wired into you from childhood, and when they clash with a different cultural norm, it can feel unsettling.

3. Work-Life Balance & Gender Roles: If you’re used to an American or Scandinavian approach to work-life balance, you might find yourself frustrated in a country where people work long hours and expect a more intense dedication. If you’re an accompanying partner, you might feel judged if your role in the household differs from local norms - a classic struggle for many an expat spouse.

The Identity Shock of Accompanying Partners

Accompanying partners, in particular, often experience a crisis of identity. You’re no longer “the professional,” “the busy one,” or even “the social one” in the same way you were back home. A study from the Journal of Global Mobility found that expat spouses who understand their cultural values and identity feel more in control and adapt faster. Why? Because they can separate personal struggles from cultural differences.

For example, if you’re struggling to make friends in Denmark, it’s not because people don’t like you—it’s because Danish social circles are famously tight-knit. Understanding this means you won’t take it personally, and you can adjust your approach instead of feeling rejected.

Cultural differences are much easier to spot in cultures visibly different to your own culture.

How to Become More Culturally Self-Aware

🌎 Reflect on Your Own Norms: Write down things that feel “normal” to you—about communication, relationships, work, and daily routines. Then ask: would this be seen differently in another culture?

🌏 Talk to Other Expats: Notice how people from different countries react to the same situations. It’s eye-opening to realize how many ways there are to see the world!

🌍 Get Curious Instead of Defensive: When you feel frustrated by something abroad, ask yourself: Is this a real problem, or just a cultural difference?  Shifting your mindset from judgment to curiosity makes everything easier.

The Bottom Line

Understanding the culture we came from is the key to successfully adapting to the one we've moved to. It helps us see our challenges in a new light, communicate better, and avoid unnecessary frustration. So before diving into learning about your new home, take a moment to get to know yourself first—you might be surprised at what you find!

________________________________________________________________________

Want to explore cultural awareness further? Let’s chat! Coaching can help you navigate life abroad with confidence and clarity.