The Expat Spouse’s Survival Guide:

How to Build a Life (and Not Just Tag Along)

Moving abroad for your partner’s job sounds like an adventure—and it is! For some it becomes a shared dream and adventure, but I know it can also feel like stepping into someone else’s dream and pressing pause on your own for a while.

I know this feeling. For our second move abroad I fell into that last category. I struggled to find my own identity in our new country. But I also knew what to do. But knowing and doing are two very different things  

Being an expat spouse doesn’t mean losing yourself. In fact, it’s a golden opportunity to reinvent, rediscover, and thrive in ways you never expected. You can be a thriving accompanying spouse, supporting your partner, being the stable rock in the family, and yet, have moments of feeling like you are just not yourself, or that some days having this role just isn’t what does for you. It’s nobody’s fault. It's normal, and it often comes with this job/position/task… however you look at your situation. I was supposed to know what to do, I’m a professional in this field, and still sometimes, it was as if I just didn’t know how to do it.

Luckily, I had good colleagues and friends in this field of working with expats, and I went to them to get help, clarity, and to make a plan, so I could get back up on the horse and live the life that I wanted, and that I knew expat life could be. I actually made an investment… in coaching sessions for myself (meaning it was also an investment in our family :-). I’ll share more about this in another post. But what came out of it, was a plan that I have used more than once, and that many others have found helpful. So, here you are, the steps I actively decided to take and knew would help me back to thriving as an expat partner.

Expat Survival Guide - maybe Expat Coaching is for you...

1. Reframe Your Role: You’re Not ‘Just’ the Plus-One

It’s easy to feel like a supporting character in your partner’s story, and you sometimes are – nothing wrong with that. It’s just important to remember that your journey is equally important. Shift your mindset from ‘trailing spouse’ (a term that I am not a fan of) to ‘leading adventurer.’ What do YOU want from this expat experience? New skills? A career pivot? A fresh perspective on life? Define your own goals, no matter how big or small.

2. Build a Social Life That’s Yours

Making friends as an adult can be hard. Making friends in a foreign country? Next level. But your happiness depends on meaningful connections. Seek out expat communities, local interest groups, hobby clubs, or expat parents. Language barriers? No problem—smiling, shared interests, and the magic of Google Translate will get you a long way. Don’t wait for friendships to happen; create them.

3. Find Work, Purpose, or Passion Projects

If you’ve left a career behind, the adjustment can be tough. But instead of seeing it as a dead end, treat it as a detour full of possibilities. Remote work, freelancing, volunteering, studying—there are many ways to stay engaged. If work isn’t an option right now, explore passions you never had time for before. The key? Keep your mind active and your confidence intact. If you have forgotten what your passions are, you are not alone, and there are ways to rediscover them.

4. Embrace (and Laugh at) the Cultural Differences

You WILL have awkward moments. You WILL mispronounce things. And you WILL wonder why things are done ‘that way’ instead of the ‘normal’ way (spoiler: normal is relative). Instead of getting frustrated, lean into the quirks of your new home culture. The more you embrace the weirdness, the more fun you’ll have.

5. Communicate Openly with Your Partner

Your partner may be thriving in their job while you’re struggling to find your rhythm. That’s normal—but it’s important to talk about it. Avoid resentment by keeping an open dialogue about your needs, frustrations, and goals. You’re a team, and this adventure should work for both of you.

6. Create a Daily Routine That Grounds You

When everything is unfamiliar, routines provide stability. Whether it’s a morning coffee ritual, a daily walk, or a dedicated time for self-improvement, small routines help you feel more in control of your new life, especially if there is a family and children to care for. Structure breeds comfort and confidence.

7. Give Yourself Time (and Grace)

Adjustment doesn’t happen overnight. Some days will feel like a dream; others, like a disaster. That’s okay. Progress isn’t linear, and neither is expat life. Celebrate small wins, be kind to yourself on tough days, and remember—this experience is shaping you in ways you’ll appreciate for years to come.

Final Thought: You’re Not Alone

I won’t lie—there were moments when I felt lost, and I wondered if I’d ever find my place. But looking back, I see that those struggles were part of the journey, part of what made me grow. Countless expat spouses have navigated this path before you, and countless will after. Your feelings are valid, your experiences are real, and your potential is limitless. This is shared adventure. So go out there and make it unforgettable and live the life that you want for yourself!