Identity Loss - Who me?

What's that feeling?

Moving abroad is an adventure of a lifetime! New culture, new people, new foods—what’s not to love? You get to explore stunning landscapes, immerse yourself in an unfamiliar yet fascinating way of life, and grow in ways you never imagined. It’s a dream come true. And yet… something feels off.

What does Identity Loss feel like?

You’re excited, grateful, and completely aware of how incredible this opportunity is. But beneath the surface, there’s a nagging feeling you can’t quite put your finger on. You’re not unhappy and not happy either. Somehow, you’re also not you in the way you used to be. It’s not homesickness, and it’s certainly not regret. So, what is it?

When Everything is Amazing, But Something Feels MissingAs an expat spouse/partner, your partner dives headfirst into a new career while you are probably left figuring out what’s next for you. There’s no job to define you, no familiar social circles, and maybe only the daily routine focused around kids to and from school to structure your time. And despite the excitement of being in a new country, you suddenly find yourself wondering, “What exactly is my purpose here?” Caring for the family, is what most answer to that question, and that’s what I did as well.

As wonderful as that purpose can be, sometime that just isn’t enough. It’s great but not necessarily enough. What that is, isn’t just boredom or ungreatfulness —it’s identity loss, disguised as aimlessness. Back home, your identity might have been tied to work, friendships, or the rhythm of everyday life. Here, everything is new, and that sense of self hasn’t quite caught up yet.

The Unseen Transition

You expected to adjust to a new culture, maybe struggle with language barriers, or even miss your favourite comfort foods and friends & family. What you didn’t expect was questioning who you are when stripped of all the roles and labels that once defined you. But here’s the secret: this is not a crisis—it’s a transformation. It's can be hard to experience, but only until we notice what's going and why this is happening. The acceptance is half the work... Now, the more fun part is left to do.

Instead of seeing this as something missing, what if it’s an invitation to discover a version of yourself that is waiting for the right time to emerge? What if this is your chance to explore new or old passions, talents, or interests you never had time for before?

Finding Purpose in the In-Between

This can be your opportunity to reinvent yourself—not because you have to, but because you get to. Join a group, start a project, learn a skill, or simply embrace the luxury of time to reflect and grow (in between running the family, if it’s more than you and your partner). Your value isn’t tied to a career or social expectations—it’s in who you are, wherever you are.

So, to the expat spouse feeling a little lost: you are not alone, and this feeling is temporary. Your identity isn’t gone—it’s evolving. And the best part? You get to decide what comes next.